The world is but a stage
by Krys Xanthina
Summary: Moulin Rouge, Evo Style!
1. Cast list

**_A/N:_**_ Heh, I was bored, and I love this film.... Don't shoot me for the cast list.... I though it'd work better this way. Trust me, I know what I'm doing.... and yes, I am going to be changing it a little.... as in, its not just going to be the whole script.... Its going to be bits of the script, maybe all the songs, and their points of views, things like that.... ROMY, LANCITTY/KIETRO, dunno which yet.... Maybe even a little Logan-Ororo. I like that pairing too.... What is that shortened? LORO? Sounds like chocolate to me.... _

Everyone in the X-Mansion had tried out for the play. With Ororo directing, she was possibly the only person not cast as a character, and it was her who had cast them. Smiling, she pinned the notice up on the board and stepped out of the way, watching for the first person to come check the list.

Scott was the first person up after Ororo, and he walked past the list without noticing, until Jean, who wasn't far behind him, called him back to look.

"SATIE??? It sounds like a girls name!"

"It's a guy Scott." Jean assured him, looking with surprise at who had got the female lead, and continued looking down the list for hers. "Audrey? Who on earth is Audrey?" Puzzled, the two walked off, eager to find Ororo and discuss this with her.

-----

Henry "Hank" McCoy was the next to check the list. "The Good Doctor.... Lovely...." Whistling, he made his way into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. 

-----

Jubilee cast an eye over the list warily. As long as she didn't have to do much. Her eyes lit up when she fell on her name. "The Green Fairy.... Guess I might just be allowed to make a few Fireworks...." She muttered, grinning, and she walked off. She had people to see, and things to do.

-----

"Mome Fromage!" Betsy's excited voice echoed through the corridor. Hell, it was better than what she'd expected, and she didn't mind the part. "KURT! Do you HAVE to do that here luv?" She exclaimed as the familiar blue figure *Bamfed* next to her. He nodded.

"I couldn't vait to see vich part I got!" He was practically bouncing. "Chocolat? Thatz gut, right?" He looked to Betsy and she nodded. 

"Sure is Luv." 

-----

"Hey Rogue...." the small voice brought her out of the light sleep. 

"Yeh Sugah?" She blinked a few times and smiled at Jamie. "Can Ah help yah?" 

"Yeah.... I.... umm.... I cant.... I don't.... understand this.... come see...." Taking her hand, he pulled her to the list. On a separate sheet of paper was 'Jamie – Stage Manager, Toulouse, Extra's.'

"It means that yah got more than one part.... if we need more dancer's or somethin', we come get yah. That or Storm loved Yah audition so much, she wanted ta see yah onstage more." Rogue smiled at him.

"Uh-hu, I see. So who'd you get?" He looked up at her, noticing she hadn't even looked for herself yet.

"Oh Sugah, Ah aint bothered 'bout this...."

"Look and see..... please? For me?" For a 12 year old, Jamie could twist everyone around his little finger way too easily.

"Okay, Ah got...." her eyes widened. "Ah got her! Ah cahnt believe this! Ah got it!"

"Who Rogue? You got who?" 

"NINI!" Jamie laughed. He's never seen Rogue so happy. Infact.... he'd never seen Rogue happy, genuinely happy, before. 

Jamie scooted away from her, and the list, as two arms wrapped around Rogue's middle.

"Look like you an' Remy destin'd t' be t'gether Chere." She rolled her eyes.

"What are yah talkin' about Cajun?" He tapped the name under hers on the board.

"Remy LeBeau, The Argentinian...." Jamie read, the scurried off at a look from Rogue.

"CAJUN! Yah fixed it yah.... yah..... yah Swamp Rat!" Rogue growled, turning to escape his arms, but found herself pressed tight to his chest. "Get yah filthy hand offa meh!" 

"Jus' admit y' like dis Cajun, an he will...." 

"Fihne.... Ah like yah...." He let go of her, and she started off, turning to finish her sentence. "Ahbout as much as anyone can lihke ah Swamp Rat." 

"Dats harsh Chere!" He called after her, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast, before Kitty could.

-----

Sat in the conservatory, Ororo jumped when a voice invaded her thoughts. Ororo, you have kept me in suspense long enough.... Who have you cast me as? She smiled at the Professors voice. 

Professor, you have the part of Harold Zidler, Ringmaster of a sort. She was smiling, and wondering how long before she was accosted by the others.

-----

Kitty was the last person awake and up, but the first thing she did was run to the board, then screamed, bringing the whole house running.

"Kit, whats wrong?"

"Someone attacking?"

"P'tite, y' alright?" 

"I GOT IT! I LIKE TOTALLY GOT IT!" Everyone looked a little shocked and confused. "I GOT THE PART! I'M SATINE!!!!!"

~*~*~

**A/N**: _Okay, I just had to get this out quick. It was sitting, looking at me as I was trying to watch the film. Anywho, there will be, obviously, JOTT, ROMY, LANCITTY/KIETRO (haven't decided on which yet.... maybe both.... both could be good), and probably others as well..... I like having them all paired off nicely. There' just too many damn guys, and not enough girls. Lol. _

_Anywho__, the cast list is:_

Argentinian - Remy

Audrey - Jean

Chocolat - Kurt

Christian - Lance

Duke - Pietro

Green Fairy - Jubilee

Marie - Mystique

Mome Fromage - Betsy

Nini - Rogue

Satie - Scott

Satine - Kitty

Stage Manager - Jamie

The Doctor - Hank

Toulouse - Jamie

Warner – St. John

Zidler – Professor X

In Character stuff will be _in italics, and Songs will be ****__in bold italics, and of course, Character names will be IN CAPS AND UNDERLINED._


	2. Scene One

**A/N: **_Wellll..... helloooo there! _

**Ima Super Mute Ant**_ WOW! Cool name! That is so much fun to type! Thanks for your review!_

**Dark Jaded Rose**  _awww, 's a really good film.... y'should REALLY watch it.. Thanks a lot! I love reviews! 'Specially when they say they'll be coming back!_

**Duck3**_ Cool, I'm a Jungle __Berry__! I didn't realise I didn't accept Anon. reviews, so thanks for pointing that out.... I do now! I thought of putting Rogue and Remy as Christian and Satine, but I thought that was a little over-done, So.... *shrugs* Besides, much more fun with Kitty as it.... The Kitty-Lance-Pietro triangle's gonna be fun.... I know Scott's definitely anal enough to be the Duke, but I think his intelligence is a little higher than his, so.... _

_Yep! The red hair HAS to go! Poor Jean..... Almost feel sorry for her.... Then I remember its Jean.... NO, I'm joking, I don't hate Jean as much as most people..... I just REALLY like torturing her...._

_Hmm.... Naked Mole Rat..... You know, My Psychiatrist might be able to help you out..... _

**SperryDee**_ Wohoo! Thanks! More Romy! Lots more Romy!_

**Btch**_ Yay! Moulin Rouge! Gah.... Go watch it! Right now! He he he. Nini and The Argentinian ARE the ones who dance... I love Romy so it couldn't possibly have been any other way.... Heck, even my Rieto was taken over by Romy.... Satine's the main, yeah. Now for the greatest test ever..... See if Kitty can stop being a Valley Girl for a brief period of time.... lol...._

_Well.... that's it for reviewers I'm afraid.... Anywho, I love each and everyone of you.... Have a bunny-cookie.... with no real bunnies in it (this time.... Animal rights said it was too cruel to go un-noticed....). Eh._

"Okay everyone. Thank you for coming to the first rehersal of the Moulin Rouge. Now we will, first of all, start with the first scene.... we are just going to read through, let you get a feel for the parts. Jamie.... we'll forgo the song for now, and I will teach you it later." Ororo informed everyone, Logan sat next to her, with the rest of the cast infront. "So, it's with you Lance." 

As Scott opened his mouth to protest, yet again, at the inclusion of the Brotherhood and Acolytes, Logan glared at him, and one of the claws on his right hands slid out slowly. Scott just nodded and closed his mouth. 

"Logan!" Ororo warned him, and he sat back, looking bored as always, and wishing he could go do something else.... Something worthwhile....

**Lance/Narrator:** _The__ Moulin Rouge . . . a nightclub, the dance hall of the bordello. Ruled over by Harold Zi.... __Zid__.... _

Kitty: its, like, Zidler Lance.

**Lance/Narrator: **thanks.... _Zidler__.__ A kingdom of night-time pleasures. Where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld. And the most beautiful of all these was the woman I loved, Satine, a courtesan. She sold her love to men. They called her the "Sparkling Diamond", and she was the star... of the Moulin Rouge. The woman I loved is... dead. I first came to __Paris__ one year ago. It was 1899, the summer of love. I knew nothing of the Moulin Rouge, Harold Zidler or Satine. The world had been swept up in the Bohemian revolution. And I traveled from __London__ to be a part of it. On a hill near __Paris__ was the __village__ of __Montmartre__. It was not as my father had said._

"You know this doesn't sound like such a bad place...." Lance grinned at his own joke.

"Lance.... You remember our agreement?" The Weather-witch reminded him once again. 

"Yes M'am." 

"Good. Jamie Dear, your line." 

**Jamie/Christian's Father:** _A _village___ of __SIN__!_

**Lance/Narrator_:_**_ It was the center of the Bohemian world with musicians, painters, writers. They were known as the "Children of the Revolution." Yes, I had come to live a penniless existence. I had come to write about truth, beauty, freedom and that which I believe in above all things... LOVE._

**Jamie/Christian's Father:** _Always this ridiculous obsession with love!_

**Lance/Narrator:** _There was only one problem - I'd never been in love! Luckily, right at that moment an unconscious Argentinean fell through my roof. He was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun._

"Jamie, your line.." Ororo reminded him softly, during the pause.

**Jamie/Toulouse:** _How do you do? My name is Henri Marie Raymond Toulouse-Lautrec Montfa. I'm terribly sorry about all this. We were just upstairs rehearsing a play._

**Christian:** _What?_

**Lance/Narrator:** _A play, something very modern called "Spectacular, Spectacular."_

**Toulouse:** _And_ it's set in ___Switzerland__._

**Lance/Narrator:** _Unfortunately the unconscious Argentinean suffered from a sickness called Narcolepsy_.

**Toulouse****:** _Perfectly fine one moment then suddenly *SNORT, SNORT* unconscious the next.___

**Hank/Doctor:** _How is he?_

There was a large pause, with everyone looking at everyone else, trying to figure out who was "Audrey".

"C'mon Jean, just read it.." Scott was whispering to her. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner they'll leave.." He guestured to the Brotherhood and Acolytes. 

"Scott, I'm not reading it." She whispered back. "Its insulting, and degrading. I'm older than her, why should she get the lead?"

"Red!" Logan's voice called out, everyone turned to face Jean. "Read your lines Kid." 

"No!"

"Jean!" Scott's eyes were wide in horror. 

"Jean, please, read your lines. You did agree to participate." Ororo softly reminded her, playing the role of peacekeeper. She glanced briefly at the professor, who seemed to be enjoying not being the one to do it.

After a pause, Jean let out an irritated sigh.

"Fine!"

**Jean/Audrey:** _How wonderful now that narcoleptic Argentinean is now unconscious. And therefore the scenario will not be finished in time to present to the financiers tomorrow._

**Scott/Satie:** _Quick Tou-louse, I still have to finish the music._

Scott's voice was completely deadpan as he read the words, feeling somehow uncomfortable, in contrast to Jeans excellent acting voice, Audrey coming across in her voice as she should, despite the fact that she was mad at having to be her. Logan glanced to Storm, sending her a look as if to say 'Never doubted your choice for a second'.

**Jamie/Toulouse:** We'll just find someone to read the part.

**Jean/Audrey:** Oh where in heavens will we find someone to read the role of the young sensitive Swiss poet Goatherd?

**Lance/Narrator:** Before I knew it, I was upstairs standing in for the unconscious Argentinean.

**Hank/Doctor sings:** The hills are animated with, the euphonious symphony of descant...

**Audrey:** Oh stop, stop, stop, stop that insufferable droning is drowning out my words. Can we please just stick to a little decorative piano?

Jean was really getting into it now, looking at Dr. McCoy. Those who hadn't heard him sing before – the brotherhood, Acolytes, and new recruits, were a little stunned at his voice.

**Christian as Narrator:** There seem to be artistic differences over Audrey lyrics to Satie's songs.

**Doctor:** I don't think a nun would say that about a hill

**Satie****:** What if he sings "The hills are vital intoning the descant"?

**Doctor:** No, no, no, the hills are…

(Argentinean wakes up)  
**Argentinean:** The hills are incarnate with symphonic melodics.   
(Argentinean falls back asleep)

Lance grinned.

"Cool! I get to sleep in this too!" Pietro shot him a look.

**Christian:** The . . . the hills . . .

**Doctor:** The hills are chanting . . .

**Satie****:** The hill . . .

**Christian sings:** The hills are alive with the sound of music!

(Argentinean wakes)  
**Argentinean:** "The hills are alive with the sound of music!" I love it!

Storm smiled. She had made some good choices with her actors. "Right, now if you could all read over the script, and I will take some of you to reherse the hardest song.... El Tango De Roxanne.... Rogue, Remy, Lance, Kitty, Pietro and Kurt are needed for now. I will take you six in the ballroom.... Logan.... If you could take Jamie and go over his songs, thank you." She paused. "The rest of you, I would like you to go over "The Diamond Dogs" scene, the first one in the Moulin Rouge, as best as you can.."


	3. El Tango de Roxanne

**A/N:**_ I was messing about at the end, and.... well.... Hope ya like it.... it was fun to write. Sorry this has been so long in coming.... I had my other story written out, and not the lyrics for this so I couldn't work on it while dad and my brother confiscated my computer.... Anywho, Reader Reviews.... _

**_Duck3_**_ – No, you cant have another cookie.... you broke it, you have to eat it.... Wohoo! ROMY closeness and Sexiness, and I think I might have to up the rating.... lol. One question.... Whats a wousal?_

**_SperryDee_**_ – Wohoo! My favourite As well. Infact, I loved it that much, I downloaded it after seeing the movie. He he he. I know Jean is a.... well, y'know what at times, but I don't actually hate her.... well, actually, I do hate EVO Jean, cos she really is a.... but never mind...._

**_Dark Jaded Rose_**_ – You're back! Wohoo! I thought about going straight through, but some bits are a little boring and if you've seen the movie, whats the point in reading the script with accents? Its much more fun to write this way too._

**Thanks all for reviewing! And now, May I Present.... El Tango De Roxanne!**

The Six of them had been Practising 'El Tango De Roxanne' for about a week now, and it was now Ororo chose to show them the Tango itself. Only Remy and Rogue were present for this, Lance and Kitty off rehersing with the rest of the crew. Remy smirked suddenly.

"'S alright Stormy.... Chere et Remy know dis one...." She looked surprised and guestured for them to show her.

[Rogue moved over and straddled the chair, facing thin air.]

Rogue: Don't worry Shakespeare, ya'll get ya endin', once th' Duke gets his.... end.... in. 

[Rogue moves back off the chair, as if she was pushed. Remy grabs her.]

Remy: Hey, hey! Nini! Non!

Rogue: Ya keep ya hands off meh!

[Remy is calming Rogue, he then takes a step towards the 'air'.]

Remy: Nev'r fall in love wit' a femme who sell herself, it al'a's end bad!

[Pause.]

[Remy steps down onto the dance floor. ALL look at him.]

Remy: We have a dance in t' brot'ls o' Buenos Aires.

[Remy snaps his fingers, and the music starts. He walks along the dance floor, looking at thin air, parallel to him]

Remy: It tells de story. . .

[A violin plays a mournful note.]

Remy: . . .o' a prostitute. . .

[Spotlight on NINI; laughter, catcalls. Rogue steps down to join Remy on the dance floor.]

Remy: . . .et un homme. . . 

Remy: . . .who falls in love. . .

[Remy and Rogue face each other, ten paces apart.]

Remy: . . .wit' her.

[A  violin holds a quavering note, the orchestra strikes up a tango. Remy and Rogue dance around each other warily.]

[They circle each other.]

[They dance closer.]

Remy: First, dere b' desire. 

[Remy and Rogue dance close but not quite touching; 'a man' gets up from the side.]

Neither Remy nor Rogue noticed the rest of the cast creeping in, and taking their positions.

Remy: Den, passion. 

[Remy grabs Rogue's hand and spins her, pulling her close to him. Warren takes his place, and from the sidelines steps closer. Rogue stretches out her arm towards Scott. Remy follows her gaze.]

Remy: Den s'picion. . .

[Remy grabs Rogue's arm as she steps away from him. More Males step in towards them.]

Remy: . . .jealousy, anger. . .

[Remy violently spins Rogue away from, then towards, him.]

Remy: . . .betrayal. 

[Remy and Rogue dance a fast, violent tango. ALL look on.]

Remy: Where love is f' de highest bidder, dere can b' no trust. Wit'out trust, dere b' no love. Jealousy, yes, jealousy. . .

[Remy hands off Rogue to Scott.]

Remy: . . .will drive y'. . .

Remy: . . .mad! 

**Roxanne! **

[Rogue starts to dance the tango with the Scott. Lance turns to watch.]

Remy:

**You don't have to put on that red light, **

**Walk the streets for money. **

[More MEN move in towards Rogue and Scott.]

Remy:

**You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right.**

[Scott passes her off to Warren, who drags her across the floor. Remy sings to her as she passes him.]

Rogue:

**Roxanne! **

[Rogue changes partners (Todd).]

Remy:

**You don't have to wear that dress tonight. **

[Bobby takes Rogue from Todd. Remy circles around them.]

Remy:

**Roxanne! **

[Bobby spins her towards St. John, who lifts her in the air.]

Remy:

**You don't have to sell your body to the night.**

Lance: 

**His eyes. . .**

[In the Gothic Tower, Pietro slowly stands up from the table, his eyes on Kitty.]

[St John places Rogue down in front of Remy.]

[Kitty watches Pietro.]

Lance:

**. . .upon your face. **

[Lance starts down the stairs to the dance floor. Remy and Rogue kiss.]

Lance:

**His hand. . . **

[Kitty lowers her eyes and sighs.]

[Rogue steps back from Remy.]

Lance:

**. . .upon your hand. **

[Lance walks through the MEN and DANCERS on the dance floor.]

Lance:

**His lips. . .**

[Remy turns away. Lance moves through the MEN and DANCERS.]

Lance:

** . . .caress your skin. **

**It's more than I can stand!**

[The DANCERS and the MEN pair up. Remy walks between them, then turns.]

Remy: 

**Roxanne!**

[Rogue quickly turns to face Remy, then turns away. Lance, his back to the dancing COUPLES, keeps walking.]

Lance: 

**Why does my heart cry. . .**

[Many COUPLES, now, dance the tango.]

Remy: 

**Roxanne!**

[Lance keeps walking out of the Moulin Rouge. Remy moves towards Rogue.]

Lance: 

**. . .feelings. . .**

[Kitty smiles at Pietro.]

Lance:

. . .**I**** can't fight. . .**

[Remy looks toward Rogue.]

[Kitty coughs.]

[Lance walks between the dancing couples.]

Lance:

**. . .You're free to leave me. . .**

[The MEN dip their PARTNERS in the tango.]

Lance:

**. . .Just don't deceive me. . .**

[Pietro bends over Kitty.]

[Lance walks between the dancing couples.]

Lance:

**And please believe me**

**When I say. . .**

[Kitty and Pietro kiss.]

Lance:

** . . .I love you.**

[Pietro walks along the table towards Kitty.]

Pietro: When this production succeeds. . .

[COUPLES dancing the tango circle each other.]

[Pietro nears Kitty.]

Pietro: . . .you'll no longer be a can-can dancer. . .

[Lance walks forward, looking up at the Gothic Tower.]

[Pietro leans towards Kitty.]

Pietro: . . .but an actress. 

[Lance walks forward, looking up at the Gothic Tower.]

[Pietro leans close to Kitty.]

Pietro: I will make you. . .

[The MEN step towards their partners.]

[Pietro leans down and kisses Kitty's shoulder.]

Pietro: . . .a star. 

[Jamie (as a waiter) opens a jewellery case to reveal an extravagant diamond necklace. Kitty looks at Pietro as she reaches out to touch the necklace.]

[Lance looks over at the Gothic Tower. The BOHEMIANS and the DANCERS sit and wait.]

[Pietro puts the necklace on Kitty.]

Pietro: Accept it as a gift from this maharajah to his courtesan.

[Remy looks at Rogue]

[Kitty is overwhelmed.]

Kitty: Oh. And. . .

[In the main hall, Scott, Kurt, and a DANCER look towards the Gothic Tower.]

[Kitty turns to Pietro.]

Kitty: . . .and the ending?

[Kurt leaves the main hall.]

[Pietro leans close to Kitty. Their faces are reflected in the mirror.]

Pietro: Let Zidler keep his fairy-tale ending.

[Back in the main hall, the tango resumes.]

Remy: 

**Roxanne!**

[Lance walks out into the garden.]

Lance: 

**Why does my heart cry...**

[The tango intensifies.]

Remy:

            **_You don't have to put on that red light. _**

**_Roxanne!_**__

Lance: 

**...feelings I can't fight. . .**

Remy:

            **_You don't have to do your hair tonight._**

[Lance walks through the garden.]

Lance:

**. . .You're free to leave me, **

**But just don't deceive me. . .**

[Pietro kisses Kitty on the balcony of the Gothic Tower.]

Lance:

**. . .And please believe me **

**When I say I love you.**

[Lance pauses beneath the Gothic Tower and looks up.]

[In the tango, the MEN lay down their heads on their PARTNER's shoulders.]

[The tango stops.]

[On the balcony of the tower, Kitty looks down and sees Lance standing below.]

Kitty: 

**Come what may, **

**I will love you till my dying day.**

[Lance looks down, unable to stand it.]

[Kitty stiffens against Pietro's advances.]

Kitty: No.

Pietro: No? 

[Pietro follows Kitty's gaze down to Lance.]

Pietro: Oh, I see. It's our very own penniless sitar player.

[Frightened, Kitty turns and goes inside. Pietro follows her, closing the doors behind him.]

Kitty: Dear Duke.

Pietro: Silence! 

[Pietro grabs Kitty's arms, forcing her onto the floor.]

[The strains of the tango creep back in.]

Pietro: You made me believe that you loved me.

Kitty: No.

[The DANCERS mover closer to their PARTNERS.]

[Pietro's hands slide down Kitty's neck, under the necklace.]

[The TANGO DANCERS move slowly as the music builds. Rogue sits, watching.]

[Pietro's hands slide further under the necklace.]

[Remy moves towards Rogue.]

[Pietro's hands slide still further under the necklace.]

[Remy walks towards the dance floor; Rogue moves away.]

[Pietro breaks the necklace, and it falls off Kitty's neck.]

[Remy steps onto the dance floor.]

Remy: 

**Roxanne!**

[Lance throws open the door to his garret.]

Lance: 

**Why does my heart cry. . .**

[The DANCERS resume the tango.]

[Pietro chases Kitty around the table. As she struggles to get away from him, she knocks the trappings of romance off the table.]

 [Pietro chases Kitty.]

Lance:  ****

**Feelings I can't hide?**

[Pietro grabs Kitty.]

[In the tango, the MEN roughly dip their PARTNERS.]

Remy:

            **Roxanne!**

CHORUS:

**            Why does my heart cry. . .**

[Pietro throws Kitty to the floor, and walks around her.]

Remy: 

**You don't have to put on that red light.**

[The tango grows more violent.]

[Pietro clasps his arms around Kitty.]

[Rogue joins the tango again.]

Remy:

**Roxanne! **

CHORUS:

            **. . .Feelings I can't hide.**

Remy:

**You don't have to wear that dress tonight. **

**Roxanne!**

[Pietro starts ripping Kitty's dress.]

Pietro: 

**Why does my heart cry...**

[Kitty's movements are mirrored by Rogue in the tango, as the MEN form a circle around her.]

Remy: 

**Roxanne!**

[Pietro rips Kitty's dress off her.]

Pietro: 

**. . .Feelings I can't hide.**

Remy: 

**Roxanne!**

[Remy yells.]

[Pietro yells.]

[Lance yells.]

[Kitty puts her hands to her face.]         

[Rogue is thrown from one MAN to another in the circle.]

[Pietro throws Kitty on the bed. She scrambles backwards, but he advances on her. She closes her eyes.]

[Remy grabs Rogue.]

[Kurt appears behind Pietro and punches him.]

[Remy lets Rogue drop, but catches her before she hits the ground.]

[The music ends.]

 "I get to punch Pietro!" (Kurt)

"Get off meh swamp rat!" (Rogue)

"Couldn't let y' bang y' pretty head on t' floor Chere...." (Remy) 

"Oh My God, Rogue, Like, where did you learn to dance?" (Like, Kitty, duh.)

"You-know-I-wouldn't-hurt-you-right-Kitty?" (Pietro)

"Back off her speedy!" (Lance)

"So That's whats you do in your spare time Scott.... Dance with prostitutes...." (Jean)

"Ya callin' meh ah hooker?" (Rogue)

"OW! THAT HURT! ORORO! ROGUE HIT ME!" (Jean)

"Y' d'served it p'tite...." (Remy)

"DID YOU SEE HER?!?!" (Jean)

"I didn't see anything.." (Scott)

"SCOTT!"  (Jean)

"Remy t'ink he takin' y' out t'night Chere...." (Remy)

"You've got a good right hook there Stripes. She deserved it." (logan)

"Its been a long time coming...." (Scott)

"SCOTT! LOGAN! Stop commending her. Rogue, what you did was wrong.... well-deserved, but wrong...." (Storm)


	4. At the Moulin Rouge, and Remy has a prob...

**_A/N:_**_ Heh, Reviews!_

**_Duck3:_**_ Hey there! I'm back! Ha ha ha! Yep. You scare me. Its as simple as that. Any wheezles.... Another chappie! Heh. _

**_Ima_****_ Super Mute Ant:_**_ Hehe he I LOVE writing ya name! Thankies!_

**_Rukinha_****_ Lokinha:_**_ Oooh, a new one! Hello and welcome to my madness! Thankies! Yep....Can can this chappie...._

**_SperryDee_****_:_**_ Sorry I took so long! Ive been ill!_

**_Mhealeayah_****_:_**_ I might do.... I prefer it to Lancitty.... _

**_damien455: _**_You're new here too! I love this! New people! Thankies! _

_You guys have no idea how estatic I am over the number of reviews I got to three chappies of this! I have more reviews to this than I do on my ROMY Fluff, which has 10 chappies! I love you all! _

**_The Diamond Dogs' first song.... And Freddie joins the madness._**

Remy appeared, script in hand, and threw it down infront of Ororo. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, having fallen asleep downstairs. 

"What is it Remy?"

"Stormy... Remy love dancin' wit' his Chere.... but he no do dis...." She shook her head.

"Do what Remy?" He had highlighted a few lines, and she laughed as she read them.

ARGENTINEAN: Ah, the boy has talent! 

[He puts his hand on CHRISTIAN's crotch. CHRISTIAN gasps.]

ARGENTINEAN: I like him! 

"Remy, the play must go as it is written, I'm afraid."

"Remy NOT puttin' his hand on Lance.... He not swing dat Way Stormy.." 

"You are going to do it Remy, for the fact that you keep calling me Stormy. Poor Lance though...." 

He stomped off, muttering in French, and what sounded like cursing. 

~*~*~

"Places please!" Ororo's voice came, deciding against being evil and running from the beginning, much to Remy's relief. "When you're ready Professor!"

[Xavier pokes his head through the red velvet curtains.]

**Xavier**: The Moulin Rouge! 

[Lance gapes around at the Moulin Rouge in amazement.]

**Lance, as** **Narrator:** _Harold Zidler and his infamous girls.__ They called them his "Diamond Dogs."_

[As Xavier gestures, the DIAMOND DOGS appear from behind a mirrored wall. Lance stares.]

**_(The diamond dogs…)_**

**DIAMOND DOGS**:

**Voulez-vous**** coucher avec moi ce soir? **

[XAVIER and the DIAMOND DOGS begin their number, surrounded by the cheering rakes.]

****

**_(Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista. _**

**_ Hey sista, go sista. . .)_**

**XAVIER**: 

**If life's an awful bore. . .******

**_(. . .soul sista, flow sista. . .)_**

**XAVIER**: 

**. . .And living's just a chore **

**That we do. . .**

****

**_(. . .Hey sista, go sista. . .)_**

**XAVIER**:

**            . . .'Cause death's not much fun. . .**

**_(. . .soul sista.)_**

**DIAMOND DOGS**:

**. . .Giuchie giuchie, ya ya. . .**

**XAVIER**:

**            . . .I  have just the antidote. . .**

**DIAMOND DOGS**:

**. . .da da. . .**

**XAVIER:**

**            . . .And though I mustn't gloat, **

**            At the Moulin Rouge!**

**You'll have fun!**

[JAMIE pulls one of the DANCERS onto his lap.]

**_(Oh la-la!)_****__**

Scott: I don't think Jamie should be in this.....

**XAVIER:**

**            . . .Just scratch that little niggle, **

**            Have a little wiggle. . .**

[LANCE watches with amazement. The RAKES grab at the DANCERS.]

**DIAMOND DOGS: **

. . .**Creole**** Lady Marmalade. . .**

**XAVIER: **

**. . .You know that you can,**

**            'Cause we can can-can!**

**DIAMOND DOGS**: 

. . .**Voulez****-vous**** coucher** **avec moi ce soir?**

**XAVIER: **

**. . .Don't say you can't, can't, can't!**

**DIAMOND DOGS:**

. . .**Voulez****-vous**** coucher** **avec moi?**

**XAVIER:**

**. . .You know you can can-can!**

[CUT TO the street. Zoom in to the Moulin Rouge, through the doors, and into the garden. The RAKES dance in a line. LANCE joins in hesitatingly with the BOHEMIANS.]

**RAKES**: 

**Here we are now, entertain us! **

**We feel stupid and contagious!**

[Zoom towards the doors to the dance hall. They open to reveal XAVIER and the DIAMOND DOGS.]

**XAVIER**:

**Got some dark desire? **

**Love to play with fire? **

**Why not let it rip, live a little bit! **

**Can can-can!**

[The RAKES and the DIAMOND DOGS dance towards each other.]

**RAKES**: 

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

**XAVIER**: 

**Don't say you can't, can't, can't!**

**You know you can can-can!**

[The RAKES and the DIAMOND DOGS dance together.]****

**DIAMOND DOGS: **

**Voulez-vous**** coucher avec moi ce soir?**

**RAKES**:

**            'Cause we can can-can!**

**XAVIER**: 

**Outside it may be raining. . . **

**. . .But in here it's entertaining!**

 [In the garden of the Moulin Rouge, the RAKES dance around XAVIER and the DIAMOND DOGS on a stage.]

**DIAMOND DOGS: **

**If you love, love, love**

**To be free, free, free**

**XAVIER**: 

**Then the Moulin Rouge is the place to be! **

[XAVIER back-flips through the garden into the dance hall, with help from Jean's TK.]

Scott: Nice one Jean! 

Jean: Thanks! 

**XAVIER**:

**'Cause we can can-can!**

**ALL**: 

**We can!**

**XAVIER**: 

**Yes we can can-can!**

**ALL**: 

**We can!**

**RAKES**: 

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

**XAVIER**: 

**Outside things may be tragic, **

**But in here we feel it's magic! **

[XAVIER, surrounded by DIAMOND DOGS, sings from a stage in the garden.]

**RAKES**:

**            Here we are now, entertain us!**

[XAVIER, on the orchestra podium in the dance hall, encourages the crowd of RAKES and DIAMOND DOGS. He then holds up his arms for silence. The music stops and the crowd falls silent. XAVIER leans forward, and whispers:]

**XAVIER**:The can-can. 

[The CROWD scatters. XAVIER flips a placard to read "Cancan". Slo-mo silence, then can-can chaos erupts.]

**XAVIER**:****

**Because we can can-can!**

[The DIAMOND DOGS launch into their can-can routine while the RAKES cheer from the sides.]

(**_Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista._**

**_ Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista._**

**_ Giuchie giuchie ya ya da da _**

**_ Giuchie giuchie ya ya here.)_**

****

**XAVIER**: 

**Because we can can-can! **

**Yes we can can-can!**  
         **_  
(Creole Lady Marmalade)_**

[The DIAMOND DOGS entice the RAKES onto the dance floor.]

**XAVIER**: 

**Because we can can-can!**

**        Yes we can can-can!  
  
  
**

**BOHEMIANS**: 

**Well you can bump and grind...**

[The BOHEMIANS dance around LANCE.]

**LANCE**: 

'**Cause it's good for your mind!**

[LANCE joins the crowd dancing with the DIAMOND DOGS, then looks around at the debauchery surrounding him.]

**RAKES**:

**            Here we are now, entertain us!**

**DIAMOND DOGS:**

**            Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?**

**XAVIER**:

**            We can can-can!**

**_(Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista.)_**

****

[JAMIE signals to LANCE.] 

**JAMIE**: Christian! 

**RAKES**:

            **Here we are now, entertain us!**

**DIAMOND DOGS:**

            **Voulez-vous**** coucher avec moi ce soir?**

[LANCE goes and sits down at the table with JAMIE and the other BOHEMIANS.]

**JAMIE**: Mission accomplished! We successfully evaded Zidler!

**XAVIER**: 

**Cancan, cancan, cancan...**

[The music fades and the lights dim. ALL look upwards as silver confetti falls from the ceiling, blown in on a light wind from Ororo.]

**JAMIE**: It's her, the sparkling diamond.

[KITTY descends from the ceiling on a diamond-studded trapeze, the ends of which are thrown over a beam. On the other end of the ropes is FRED, holding her up. LANCE gapes.]

Fred: Ugh..... HEAVY....

Kitty: I like, AM NOT!

Fred: You don't have to hold you up....

Kitty: Shut up! Its my line!

**KITTY**: 

**The French are glad to die for love. . .**

**KITTY**:

**. . .They delight in fighting duels. . .**

[LANCE stares open-mouthed at KITTY, while on the on the other side of the pillar next to him, PIETRO, sitting with XAVIER, watches KITTY with beady eyes. Neither can believe she could sing without saying like.]

**LANCE**: _But_ _someone else was to meet Satine that night. . ._

**KITTY**: 

. . .**But**** I prefer a man who lives. . .**

**LANCE**: _. . .Zidler's investor. . ._

**KITTY**: 

. . .**And**** gives expensive jewels.**

Jean: Don't we all? Oh.... sorry Scott....

**LANCE**: _. . .the Duke._

[As the lights come up (Alison (Dazzler) above the stage, getting a light-boost from the singing), KITTY circles above the crowd on her trapeze, touching the RAKES' outstretched hands.] 

[KITTY steps off her trapeze and dances through the crowd as the RAKES thrust money and jewels at her, all made from paper by Jamie and Jubilee, with loving care, under the supervision of no-one. This explains why the jewels Scott holds out sticks to his hand. He glares at the culprits.... or rather, at any Jamie he sees and Jubilee, who is setting 'fireworks' off from the stage.]

Scott: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU TWO!

**KITTY**: 

**A kiss on the hand may be quite continental,**

**But diamonds are a…**

**KITTY and DIAMOND DOGS: **

…**girl's best friend.**

**KITTY**: 

**A kiss may be grand, **

**But it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, **

**Or help you feed your pussycat. **

**KITTY and  DIAMOND DOGS:**

**Men grow cold as girls grow old, **

**KITTY**:

**And we all lose our charms in the end. **

**KITTY and DIAMOND DOGS: **

**But square cut or pear-shape,**

**These rocks don't lose their shape. **

**KITTY**:

**Diamonds are a girl's best friend.**

[LANCE and PIETRO watch from the side, remembering to close their mouths as they watch her.]

**PIETRO**: When am I going to meet the girl?

**KITTY**: 

**Tiffany's!**

Jean: Like THAT makes sense....

Kitty: YOU'RE ONLY JEALOUS!

**XAVIER**: After her number. I've arranged a special meeting—just you and Mademoiselle Satine, totally alone.

**KITTY**: 

**Cartier****!**

**JAMIE**: After her number, I've arranged a private meeting, just you and Mademoiselle Satine, totally alone.

**LANCE**: Alone?

**JAMIE**: Yes. Totally alone.

**XAVIER**: Totally alone.

Jean: Who didn't see that coming?

Rogue: Ya read tha script Miss perfect..... So shut tha hell up!

Remy: Nicely said Chere..

Rogue: Get ya hands offa meh, before ya loose 'em....

Remy: Not Remy chere.... his hands are here.

Rogue: Then who....

Pietro: Oh.... That's ROGUE.... Sh*t.... Sorry! 

Rogue: Ya a DEAD MAN Pietro! 

**KITTY and DIAMOND DOGS: **

'**Cause we are living in a material world, **

**And I am a material girl! **

**KITTY**: Come and get me boys!

Boys: WITH PLEASURE! 

(Fred lets go of the trapeze which starts to fall, but it caught by Jean's TK.)

Jean: Do I Have to do EVERYTHING myself?!?!!

Logan: Jeannie.... Play nicely.

Jean: But....

Ororo: You wish to stay in this Jean?

[The RAKES dance around KITTY, then lift her into the air and carry her towards a stage.]

**XAVIER**: Excuse me.

[XAVIER leaves PIETRO and makes his way through the crowd to join KITTY on the stage.]

**KITTY**: 

            **Black star, Roscor!**

**Talk to me Harry Zidler, tell me all about it! **

**There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer,**

**DIAMOND DOGS and XAVIER: **

**But diamonds are a girl's best friend. **

**KITTY**: 

**There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer**

**Thinks you're…**

**XAVIER**:

**…awful nice! **

**KITTY**: **But get that ice or else no dice!**

[LANCE gets up to go over to KITTY, but JAMIE stops him.]

**JAMIE**: Don't worry, don't worry I'll sally forth and tee things up!

[As JAMIE stands up, his cane knocks over a tray of drinks, spilling them on PIETRO.]

Jamie: HA! I got him!

Pietro: Why you little..... this was NEW!

**DIAMOND DOGS:**

            **He's your guy when stocks are high,**

[As KITTY and XAVIER continue with their number, they carry on a quiet conversation.]

**KITTY**: Is the Duke here, Harold?

**XAVIER**: _Liebchen_, would Daddy let you down?

**DIAMOND DOGS:**

            **But beware when they start to descend.**

[XAVIER looks over to see JAMIE wiping PIETRO's shirt with his handkerchief.]

**JAMIE**: I'm terribly sorry.

[KITTY and XAVIER circle each other.]

**KITTY**: Where is he?

**XAVIER**: He's the one Toulouse is shaking a hanky at.

[JAMIE reaches round the pillar to take LANCE's handkerchief just as KITTY looks over to find PIETRO.]

**JAMIE**: Excuse me Christian, may I borrow…?

**DIAMOND DOGS:**

            **Diamonds are a girl's best,**

**            Diamonds are a girl's best,**

**            Diamonds are a girl's best friend.**

[KITTY turns back to XAVIER.]

**KITTY**: Are you sure?

**XAVIER**: Let me peek. 

[KITTY has her back to LANCE and PIETRO, and XAVIER peers round her and sees JAMIE again waving his handkerchief at an angry PIETRO.]

Wanda: When is he ever not angry? Wait.... When I Hex him through a wall if he doesn't behave!

(Pietro stops tryig to kill Jamie)

**JAMIE**:  Let me finish. I'm ever so sorry! It's so embarrassing.

[XAVIER turns back to KITTY.]

**XAVIER**: That's the one, chickpea. I hope that demonic little loon doesn't frighten him off.

Jamie: I thought Remy was the Demonic one, and St john was the loon....

[But JAMIE has had enough of PIETRO.]

**JAMIE**: Clean yourself off, you bourgeois pig!

[JAMIE throws the handkerchief in PIETRO's face. ST. JOHN, PIETRO's manservant, pulls aside his jacket to reveal a gun.]

St John: Lookie! I GET A GUN! Flame thrower woulda been better y'know.... More fitting..

Rogue: We want tha place in one piece.... we aint stupid....

**JAMIE**: Sorry, sorry.

[KITTY and XAVIER duck behind a circle of DIAMOND DOGS for a costume change.]

**KITTY**: Will he invest?

**XAVIER**: Pigeon! After spending the night with you, how could he refuse?

**KITTY**: What's his type? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smouldering temptress?

Pietro: Whatever! As long as shes in my room later!

Lance: Stay away from MY girl....

Pietro: She aint your Rock-head....

Kitty: SHUT UP! 

**XAVIER**: I'd say smouldering temptress. We're all relying on you, gosling. Remember, a real show, in a real theatre, with a real audience. And you'll be...

**KITTY**: A real actress...

[KITTY leaps up to finish the song. JAMIE tries to get her attention from the crowd.]

**KITTY**:

**Cause that's when those louses. . .**

**JAMIE**: Bejewelled vision!

**KITTY**:

** . . .Go back to their spouses. . .**

**JAMIE**: Amazonian goddess!

Lance: Storm's over there idio.... oh.... its your line....

[Two CLOWNS carry KITTY on their shoulders towards the table where LANCE is sitting.]

**KITTY**:

**. . .Diamonds are a. . .**

**JAMIE**: I've got some exciting news!

[KITTY arrives in front of LANCE as she sings the last notes of the song.]

**KITTY**:

**            . . .girl's best friend.**

[LANCE looks up at her, dumbstruck.]

**KITTY**: 

I believe you were expecting me.

**LANCE**: Yes. Yes.

[KITTY turns to the crowd.]

**KITTY**: I'm afraid it's lady's choice.

[The BOHEMIANS clap LANCE on the back as KITTY works the crowd.]

**RAKES**: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!

**JAMIE**: I see you've already met my English friend.

**KITTY**: I'll take care of it, Toulouse. [Turning to LANCE] Let's dance.

[KITTY pulls LANCE onto the crowded dance floor.]

**JAMIE**: Hit her with your most modern poem!

Pietro: You'd better not hit her with ANYTHING Rock-boy.

[KITTY starts dancing, but LANCE just stares, overwhelmed, until two RAKES push him towards KITTY.]

**JUBILEE:**

**Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night,**

**Dance until the morning light.**

**Forget about the worries on your mind,**

**You can leave them all behind.**

**Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night,**

**Dance until the morning light.**

**Forget about the worries on your mind,**

**You can leave them all behind.**

 [The BOHEMIANS can't believe their luck.]

**SCOTT**: That went well.

**HANK**: Incredible!

**REMY**: He has a gift with the women.

Remy: Jus' like Remy....

Rogue: Swamp rat....

Remy: Only got eyes f' y' m' Chere....

**JAMIE**: I told you, he's a genius.

[KITTY and LANCE dance, LANCE somewhat hesitatingly at first, unsure of some of the more risqué moves, but then he gets into it. XAVIER watches from the back, unable to see LANCE's face.]

**XAVIER**: That duke certainly can dance!

**KITTY**: So wonderful of you to take an interest in our little show.

**LANCE**: It sounds very exciting. I'd be delighted to be involved.

**KITTY**: Really?

**LANCE**: Assuming you like what I do, of course.

**KITTY**: I'm sure I will.

[LANCE dips his hat to the watching BOHEMIANS, much to their delight.]

**_(Here we are now. . .)_**

**LANCE**: Toulouse thought we might be able to, um, do it in private.

**_(Here we are now. . .)_**

**KITTY**: Did he?

**LANCE**: Yes. You know, uh, a private poetry reading.

**_(. . .Entertain us. . .)_**

**KITTY**: Ohh! 

**_(Here we are now. . .)_**

**KITTY**: Mmm, a poetry reading. I love a little poetry after supper. 

**RAKES**:

            . . .**Entertain**** us!**

**Here we are now, entertain us!**

**We feel stupid…**

**KITTY**: Hang onto your hats! 

[KITTY kicks off LANCE's hat, as the DIAMOND DOGS kick off the hats of the RAKES. Hats everywhere fly into the air.]

[The Paris cityscape at night. Above the Moulin Rouge, the only spot of colour and light, top hats explode into the air.]

[Back in the Moulin Rouge, the MEN catch their hats as KITTY, back on her trapeze, launches into the finale of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" as she makes her exit.]

**KITTY**:

            **Diamonds! Diamonds!**

[The RAKES and DIAMOND DOGS, holding hands, form a circle around her trapeze as it ascends, dancing.]

(Remy stand s and moves behind Rogue, sliding his hands down her sides. He glances up to see Logan's claws extend and re-takes his seat.)

**KITTY**:

**Square cut or pear-shape, **

**        These rocks don't lose their shape; **

[LANCE is back sitting with the BOHEMIANS, who are overjoyed.]  

**JAMIE**: Fantastic!

[But LANCE can't take his eyes off KITTY.]

**KITTY**:

**Diamonds are a girl's best...**

[But as KITTY reaches the final chords of the song, and the crowd beneath her raises their arms in anticipation, she suddenly gasps for breath. LANCE is spellbound, XAVIER looks on in concern, and the crowd throws their arms in the air for the big finale, but KITTY can't catch her breath and faints, falling from the trapeze.]

**XAVIER**: NO! 

[KITTY is saved by KURT, who catches her and looks to XAVIER. XAVIER motions for KITTY to be taken backstage. As KITTY is carried off, LANCE looks worried. The CROWD looks uncertain, but XAVIER starts clapping, as though it had all been planned. The CROWD follows suit.]

**XAVIER**: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!

**CROWD**: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!

[KURT carries KITTY backstage and places her on a couch. The DIAMOND DOGS look on.]

**ROGUE**: Don't know if that Duke's going ta get his moneh's worth tanaight.

**BETSY**: Don't be unkind, Nini.

**JUBILEE**: She fainted, just fainted.

[Back in the dance hall, the JAMIE motions to XAVIER that KITTY won't be coming back.]

**CROWD**: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!

[XAVIER motions for the CROWD's silence.]

**XAVIER**: You frightened her away! But I can see some lonely Moulin Rouge dancers out there who are looking for a partner or two. So if you can hunk-hunk, you can hunkadola with them!

[The CROWD cheers, and the BAND strikes up. LANCE looks confused.]

**A Jamie**: All together now!

[Backstage, KITTY's dresser, MYSTIQUE, hurries over to her with smelling salts.]

**MYSTIQUE**: Out of my way. Quickly.

[MYSTIQUE waves the smelling salts under KITTY's nose, and KITTY comes to.]

**KITTY**: Oh, Marie... Oh, these silly costumes.

**MYSTIQUE**: Just a little fainting spell.

**JAMIE**: All right you girls, get back out front and make those gents thirsty. Problems?

**MYSTIQUE**: Nothing for you to be worrying about.

**JAMIE**: Don't just stand around, then.

[KITTY starts coughing, and MYSTIQUE holds a handkerchief to her mouth. When KITTY turns away, MYSTIQUE sees blood on it. KITTY doesn't notice. MYSTIQUE looks grave.]

[Back in the dance hall, things are in full swing.]

**KURT**:

**Come out of the garden baby, **

**You'll catch your death in the fog.**

**Young girls, they call them the diamond dogs!**


	5. How Wonderful Life is

_**How Wonderful Life is…**_

It had taken nearly three weeks to complete, but it had been worth it. They had literally constructed the top half of Satine's Elephant. It sat on the floor, complete with balcony ontop, and all in all, stood about ten feet high. Smiling, Ororo stood on top of it, checking for stability as she called the meeting to order.

"Well done everyone! We are all so proud of the work you've put into making this elephant… That we're going to use it today. We're going to do Satine and Christian's meeting in the elephant after the dancehall incident. Places please." She paused, looking around.

"Wait… Wheres Saint John?"

"He said something about a muppet, and refused to come in." Pietro shrugged, "Thought it safer not to ask."

LANCE, holding his hat in his hands, nervously stands framed in the heart-shaped entrance at the front of the elephant. The BOHEMIANS are watching in the garden below.

**JAMIE**: Unbelievable! Straight to the elephant!

The Red Room in the belly of the elephant. KITTY finishes changing behind the screen and steps out behind LANCE.

**KITTY**: This is a wonderful place for a poetry reading, don't you think?

Surprised, LANCE turns to face KITTY, and takes in her black lingerie ensemble with some surprise. LANCE is very nervous.

Pietro: My god… Kitty actually looks good…  
Kitty: Shut up Pietro, before I have to, like, hurt you!

**KITTY**: Hmm? Poetic enough for you?

**LANCE**: Yes.

The BOHEMIANS climb up the back of the elephant.

**KITTY**: A little, uh, supper? Maybe some Champagne?

Jean: Champagne? Shes not old enough to DRINK!

Rogue: Shut ya mouth red, before Ah shut it for yah.

Remy: Nice, Cherie…  
Rogue: Goes fer ya too Swamp-rat.

KITTY turns to a trolley with food and drink on it, and picks up a bottle of Champagne from the ice bucket.

**LANCE**: I'd rather just, um, get it over and done with.

Pietro: Bet he would… How long's it been since you saw a lass in her underwear Lance? Oh yeah… NEVER!

Wanda: Oh please…. I didn't need to know that…

Annoyed, KITTY, with her back to LANCE, drops the Champagne back into the ice.

**KITTY**: Oh.

KITTY composes herself, and turns to face LANCE.

**KITTY**: Very well. Then why don't you come down here?

KITTY walks over to the bed and lies down on it seductively.

**KITTY**: . . .And let's get it over and done with.

**LANCE**: I-I prefer to do it standing.

Pietro: See! He's stuttering!

Lance: Its in the script Stupid!

KITTY can't disguise her surprise and jumps up.

**KITTY**: Oh!

**LANCE**: You don't have to stand, I mean. It's sometimes that it's quite long, and I'd like you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do, and it may feel a little strange at first, but – but I think if you're open, then—then you might enjoy it.

Rogue: Ah think Wanda's right… Ah don't need to hear that stuff comin' from Lance's mouth… Ah'm gonna have nightmares…

Remy: Remy'll protect Y'chere!

Rogue: Remy'll keep his filtheh Swamp Rat hands ta himself if he wants ta keep them.

A little confused, KITTY nonetheless retains her professional composure, her voice a little louder to talk over the others, determined to finish this scene regardless.

**KITTY**: I'm sure I will.

**LANCE**: Excuse me.

LANCE turns away from KITTY to compose himself, then turns to face her, but he is very nervous.

**LANCE**: The—the sky is—is...with the bluebirds...

KITTY, unsure of how to react, sighs erotically, and LANCE nervously turns away again.

**LANCE**: I know. Come on, come on.

Pietro: LANCE CANT GET IT UP! HA! Eeek!  
Rogue: Now that was ah nice shot… Raight into tha trash, where ya belong Pie-boy.

Wanda: He was irritating me…

Rogue: When does he not?

Wanda: Pauses When he's trying on Mystiques clothes and irrirating her.

Pietro: WHAT? That's a lie!

LANCE turns to face KITTY again, who lies back on the bed and moans.

**LANCE**: I think…

LANCE turns away again.

**LANCE**: There might be some shaking. Oh, riki-tiki-tiki-tiki.

Fred: Is he gonna blow up?

Jubilee: I don't know…

Bobby: Ten says he does…

KITTY is getting a little annoyed, and she sits up on the bed, trying to appear concerned

**KITTY**: Um, is everything all right?

**LANCE**: Um, I'm a little nervous. It's just sometimes it takes a little while for…

LANCE nervously looks down, and KITTY thinks she understands.

**KITTY**: Oh!

**LANCE**: …you know, inspiration to come.

Toad: Imputent?

Jean: I've seen cadavers that could get harder…

**KITTY**: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Let Mummy help, hmm?

KITTY walks over to LANCE and grabs his crotch. LANCE gasps.

**KITTY**: Does that inspire you?

KITTY throws LANCE onto the bed, and growls.

**KITTY**: Let's make love!

**LANCE**: Make love?

KITTY climbs on top of LANCE, who is genuinely confused.

**KITTY**: You want to, don't you?

Scott: Im mentally scarred for life… Im never gonna look at Kitty the same way again..

Jean: Then stop looking at her now!

**LANCE**: Well, I came to...

Betsy: Oh lighten up luv.. He's male… He's only watching that which it is in his nature to watch.

Jean: Oh and whats that?

Betsy: Well, Porn, obviously. Its plain he isn't getting any… The poor dear's so highly strung all the time… Even something like this can hold him enraptured.

**KITTY**: No, tell the truth.

Jean: You get your hands off him you British whore!

Betsy: Theory proven… Scott's stressed from lack of sex, and Jean really is frigid…

KITTY undoes LANCE's tie.

**KITTY**: Can't you feel the poetry?

Bobby: I've got a twenty that says Betsy kicks Jean's ass…

Jubilee: Oh, I don't know… Betsy used the 'F' Word…

Bobby: Yes, but Jean did call her a whore…

**LANCE**: What?

Outside, the BOHEMIANS have lowered JAMIE so he can spy in the window.

Jean: What did you just say?

**KITTY**: Oh, come on. Feel it. Free the tiger!

Betsy: You heard me… Frigid, and stuck up…

KITTY undoes LANCE's pants.

**KITTY**: Big boy!

Pietro: LIAR!

JAMIE, looking in the window, reports to the BOHEMIANS.

**JAMIE**: He's got a huge talent!

Pietro: MORE LIES!

**KITTY**: Yes, I need your poetry now!

**LANCE**: Oh, all right.

Confused, but eager to please, LANCE throws KITTY off him and stands up, pulling himself together.

Scott: Jean, Don't…

Jean: If you think Im going to take this off some English Whore, who's come here because no-one in the UK will have her, You're wrong…

**LANCE**: It's a little bit funny.

KITTY is really confused now.

**KITTY**: What?

Jean: You'll learn your place, even if I have to force it into your stupid mind that you are only second best to ME. I am the stronger…

**LANCE**: This f-feeling in-inside. I'm not one of those who can—who can easily hide. Is this—is this okay, is this what you want?

Jean: I am all powerful… You think you can challenge m…

Rogue: Me. Yes. Stupid telepath.

Hank: Theres no need to kick the girl while she's down… literally…

KITTY, trying to figure out what he wants, thinks she understands at last.

**KITTY**: Ohh, poetry, yes. Yes. Yes, this is what I want, naughty words! Oh!

KITTY starts to roll around erotically on the bed, moaning.

**LANCE**: I—I don't have much money, but. . .

Betsy: That was nice Rogue.

Rogue: At least she's quiet…well, out here… Want ah peak?

Betsy: Sure luv…

**KITTY**: Oh! Naughty!

**LANCE**: . . .but boy if I did. . .

**KITTY**: Oh, yes!

Logan: Girls! No pickin' on Jeannie..

Kurt: Can I see ze Jean-in-a-box?

Betsy: Sure… Hold m' hand..

LANCE is a little confused by KITTY's response, but he continues.

**LANCE**: . . .I'd buy a big house where we both—both could live.

**KITTY**: Oh, I love them! Oh, it's so good!

Scott: Umm… Is she still alive?

Rogue: Lets hope not!

**LANCE**: If I were a sculptor—

Logan: She's breathing…

**KITTY**: Wonderful!

KITTY rolls off the bed and crawls across the floor.

Rogue: Really? Damn…

**LANCE**: . . .but then again, no.

Betsy: So Scott… Fancy going and getting coffee for everyone, with me? I don't think I could possibly carry all that myself, eh luv? Besides, you do need to get out of the mansion more…it's a little unhealthy…

**KITTY**: Wonderful.

Scott: Sure.. Jean's out for the count…

**LANCE**: Or a man who makes potions at a traveling show.

Pietro: Ha ha, Scott needs permission to go out!

KITTY starts rolling around in a fur blanket on the floor.

**KITTY**: Oh don't! Don't!

LANCE pauses.

**KITTY**: No, no, no. Don't stop!

Remy: Roguey et Remy are goin' t'… Study…

Rogue: Uh hu, sure Cajun.. Ah'll hold ya ta that…

**LANCE**: I know it's not much. . .

**KITTY**: Give me more! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh!

By now, LANCE is giving KITTY funny looks, but still he manages to continue with his poetry.

Wanda: Hmm.. Well… Considering the company, Im leaving. You'll stay here if you know whats good for you.

Toad: Anything you say snookums.

**LANCE**: . . .But it's the best I can do.

**KITTY**: Oh, naughty! Don't stop! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Logan: Are you sure this is a 12, Ororo? As in, Children aged 12 can watch this?

Ororo: Well, I have been starting to wonder… Maybe its just the acting…

Logan: You're hoping she's that bad?

Ororo: Im hoping its beyond my ability to comprehend.

Finally, LANCE turns his back on KITTY to look out the window, and he breaks into song.

**LANCE**:

**My gift is my song.** . .

On top of the elephant, the BOHEMIANS pause in their drinking.

As LANCE's song echoes across the Paris cityscape, lights flicker on in a wave across the city.

KITTY stops rolling around on the floor and looks up at LANCE.

**LANCE**:

**. . .and this one's for you. **

LANCE turns to look at KITTY.

**LANCE**:

**And you can tell everybody that this is your song. **

**It may be quite simple, but now that it's done, **

**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, **

**That I put down in words, **

**How wonderful life is, now you're in the world. **

LANCE turns and walks towards the front of the elephant. KITTY gets up and follows him.

**LANCE:**

**Sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss, **

**Well some of these verses, well, they, they got me quite cross. **

**But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song; **

LANCE turns to face KITTY, and they slowly walk towards each other as he sings to her.

**LANCE:**

**It's for people like you that keep it turned on. **

**So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do, **

**You see I've forgotten if they're green or if they're blue. **

LANCE takes KITTY's hands as she smiles at him somewhat uncertainly.

**LANCE:**

**Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean, **

**Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen. **

LANCE spins KITTY around, and they leap out of the elephant on a beam of starlight, and into the night sky.

**LANCE: **

**And you can tell everybody that this is your song. **

As silver rain falls, LANCE opens an umbrella, and they step up onto the roof of a building.

**LANCE:**

**It may be quite simple, but now that it's done. . .**

Taking the umbrella, LANCE dances across the sky and leaps up onto the Eiffel Tower, tossing the umbrella to one side. He and KITTY dance towards each other, meeting in the middle of the sky.

**LANCE:**

**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, **

**That I put down in words,**

**How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.**

LANCE picks KITTY up and spins her around in his arms.

JAMIE: Looks like he got the job!

As LANCE spins KITTY round, dissolve back to them in the elephant. LANCE dips KITTY, and she looks up at him as the song ends.

Kitty: Holy cow, We finished it! No interruptions! Hey… Wheres Miss Monroe gone? Logan?

Lance: I think Hank took Jean to the infirmary..  
Kitty: Then wheres Rogue and Betsy? Remy, Scott… they're all missing…

Lance: That's why we finished it. Thank god for small miracles.. Like us being here alone together Kitty… Cant you see it just feels right?

Pietro: You wish rock-head…


End file.
